PS: This is a concept album written as one continuous history. Listen to it in one go. (You’ll be really fed up before it is over, but it’s worth it)
A room with a view Lyrics
A pleasantly balmy early autumn evening. Just the kind you would expect when the summer is slowly fading, and the birds are compelled by an irresistible urge to flock together and head for something new. And the dusk is slowly creeping in to tune the light down after a beautiful day with clear fresh air with just a hint of something sweet and bitter
And no commitments. And a tingling feeling that it might have been something more than politeness in her smile as she looked over at your feeble attempt to measure forces with your mate. Not impressive in any way, but followed up with a comment that caught him off guard and made everyone else laugh. And she didn’t look away when you looked at her. And now, there’s a good chance of meeting her at the party. Almost unpleasantly frightening as your brain is flooded by thick swirling images of how the world should be with you holding the most beautiful girl close in your embrace. It’s like a wrestling match between equals where every ten second round shifts between succumbing to the urge of going home with your dignity intact, or go all in despite the overwhelming chance of failure in a vague hope for the ultimate prize. What more could you ask for than someone like her.. Everything else is irrelevant. Will she be there? Of course she will. Maybe. The road is never ending and to short at the same time. And the autumn air is so fresh. And a good friend who keep you going whenever you start to doubt, as if he realises how important this is even more than you do yourself.
Be calm.
Be cool. Act like you don’t care. Unaffected. The cool guy. Hard to get, while your pulse is reaching 140 and your knees are shaking and your about to die.
I do
I am cool when I’m calm, but I’m not even close
I’m far from playing my role
I’m laughing too loud with a squeak in my voice
I deliver my punchline with instant regret
The message is lost in the noise
The heat from your skin as you gently reach out
To touch my trembling hand
I claim to be strong and I try to stay firm
My knees are weak but they don’t buckle yet
I nod as you give me your terms
This love that you’re flashing my way
It is all that I need to be yours faithfully
Bad luck come as it may
I will stand by your side to the end of time
This feeling is hard to explain
They say that pleasure is so close to pain
But I can’t imagine I’ll ever feel sadness again.
The sky is dead black, but the stars are so bright
I trace your silhouette
The noise in the distance turns into a blur
A veil of music, laughter and shouts
The most beautiful soundtrack I’ve heard
This love that you’re flashing my way
It is all that I need to be yours faithfully
Bad luck come as it may
I will stand by your side to the end of time
This feeling is hard to explain
They say that pleasure is so close to pain
But I can’t imagine I’ll ever feel sadness again.
Party. Everyone’s talking, the music is pulsating and there’s smiles and happy people everywhere. Friends. Good friends. And barbeque and candle lights. And a night that covers everything snuggly in a surreal hazy atmosphere. And they want you to take out the guitar. And people join, drumming on the chairs. A weirdo, probably a leftover from Woodstock a hundred years ago even brought his mandolin. And then there’s a transition from a fragile lonely acoustic guitar to a flow of sounds that whirls everyone into a dancing, humming singing and laughing crowd. And there is one looking at you. You hope she understands that this song is about her and how you hoped that she’d be here. And she is.
Now she’s dancing
The smell of barbeque is competing with the butterflies for air
Everything is perfect, cause all my friends are here.
The butcher boy is acting coy as we brag about his meat
It’s summertime and she’s so fine she knocks me off my feet
She said she couldn’t come, Afraid she couldn’t come.. I doubted she would come
But now she’s dancing
Now she’s dancing
Now she’s dancing
So close to me
Ah, there you are , you brought a guitar and the night is still young
Go hunting for the lovely girl ensnare her with your song
The lazy fire crackles as it covers us in gold
Promise me you all will keep this memory in your souls
Couse she said she couldn’t come, afraid she couldn’t come I doubted she would come
But now she’s dancing
Now she’s dancing
Now she’s dancing
So close to me
The party continues. Some have left, but there’s always a tight group that hangs on ‘til morning. And you are here, in an unreal dream world where there’s a beautiful creature laying next to you. And the sound of the party is a separate layer disconnected from your reality. Like a cover of cotton wrapping your cocoon of happiness in a soft dream that caress you and make you smile. And deep inside you know that this is perfect. Deep inside you know that this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Deep inside you know that you will fight anything and anyone trying to take this away from you. And deep inside you know that one way or another, this is going to end.
Close
When life is like a hint
of what they claim that paradise should be
And everything I taste
Is part of the most perfect recipe
And I gently touch your hand
And I wonder if you feel it in your sleep
And I whisper that I love you
And a promise I intend to always keep
Couse this is perfect and I won’t ever let it go
This is perfect and I will never ever let it go
I’ll be damned if I ever let you go
Is there any chance I’ll ever keep from letting go?
I guess this is the first step towards letting go.
Life is good. You got a ridiculously perfect life. The kind you used to make fun of. You have a nice job. A beautiful wife. A wife! It feels like yesterday the party were still rumbling in the background while you two sat outside watching the night sky and talked about the future. And now you got a job. An exciting job. And you got a good life together with her. You take care of every moment and turn each day into something special. Maybe there’s a kid on its way? This would certainly be the right time for it. With a harmonic couple in a safe and stable situation. Good income from a job with opportunities. But it is demanding. There’s so many chances to prove yourself. Each more challenging than the others, and all of them time consuming. But that’s ok, it’s how it should be. You spend some extra time at the office, there’s a lot of travelling, maybe a bit too much. But it is just for now. And it will be worth it. The days feel too short. And suddenly a week has passed, and you stop and think. “Did I kiss her goodbye before leaving yesterday?”. Or the day before. It’s been a busy week. It’s time to show her some attention, make up for the lost time. As soon as this project is finished. And you put some extra effort into fixing the house, even if you are dead tired. It looks good. Everything falls into place. Even though it seems like a year since you last went to bed while she was still awake. You do not talk together unless there’s something important to say, or write as a note on the fridge. You have a wife. She’s asleep when you go to bed. You are so tired. Exhausted. But next weekend. You do not have any plans for that weekend. You’re going to make up for it then. Do something special.
Forever after, for a while
You handle the quarrels with feathery hands
Nourish the feelings with care
Direct your attention to each single trace
Desperate to be aware
You claim the position and total control
Nothing is going to fade
But even before the first year is gone
You notice the treacherous change
You still share the laughter, the compulsory kiss
Occasional moments of bliss
The love is still deep, though more in control
Reality’s taking its toll
And then came the pet, adorable thing
And then the career with late nights again
And then the new car, in fact number two
And then came the kids..
and then it was you
I guess I didn’t see you
The beautiful hair, the smile that you wear when moving in close for a kiss
The loving caress when I’m strung out and stressed, the signs I somehow missed
The way that you see the man I could be if only they’d give me a chance
The way you accept the gas station wrapped last minute lack of romance
How could I neglect the beautiful you?
Every day seems the same. You do not remember if its Friday or Monday anymore. When was the last time you had a weekend off? But you must keep it up, there’s a deadline, and you are so far from ready. And if you get the bonus this time, you take care of all the bills that’s been piling up. You can take a couple of days of after this project. Until then, it is just to roll up the sleeves and hang in there. Just for a short period. You are so tired of explaining why this project is so important. Again. It’s not like you have a choice, the job needs to be done. And it’s temporary. So just switch off your brain and get at it. One day at a time. And another one. And another one. There’s a light in the end of the tunnel, but it doesn’t seem to get any closer. Right now, you do not have the luxury of choosing, just turn off the brain and work on. Push. Push. Keep it up.
Groundhog day
You can tell that it’s morning
Purely by the cold synthetic light
Intruding your unconsciousness
Ripping all the warmth out of the night.
It’s the same day, the same way
Smile and say it’s OK
Until it’s time to sleep
And then you go way to deep
Pee, eat, work and sleep
This is my Groundhog day
This is our Groundhog day
When did our life start to fade?
One day you look at her. The one you love. And you really do. She doesn’t shine anymore. She doesn’t smile anymore, she just looks tired. You have everything you could wish for. She has everything she could wish for. At least you hope so. But you’re not sure anymore. It’s so long since you have shared a dream. So long since you shared anything. You can see that she is more beautiful than life itself. You have to do something. Take a break. It’s so easy to arrange. Why haven’t you done this before? Sending the kids away for a weekend. Find your own sacred little moment, just the two of you. Talk, be together, focus on what you want and what you have. Make her shine. You will never let it come to this again.
In the eye of the beholder
Charcoal grey and tedious
A softly fading glow
And unattended, the pile will surely grow
Consuming what is left of the day
Laundry bag of tell-tales
Of every hour spent
Picking up and out again, with bruises and a dent
That needs a patch and kiss to be ok
And then, heaven-sent, finally
A weekend of our own
Just you and me, alone
And In my eyes
you’re still the beauty I once met
you still shine
and I know it’s all worthwhile
Couse in my eyes
this is why there’s no regrets
Tomorrow might be hard, and today is what we get
But it’s more than I could hope for, and I know we’ll be ok
Couse we’ll cherish every minute of today.
It’s almost unreal to be able to spend this time on yourself. Both of you have a touch of guilt for not spending this precious time with the kids. You’re stealing these moments and expect to get caught anytime. But it just so necessary. And you know there is no reason to be concerned. The kids are having a good time, they are probably not missing you at all. But when the phone rings you know that you should have been there. You know that everything would have been avoided if you weren’t so damn selfish. And deep inside you knew something was going to happen. It’s all on you. Karma is engraved in the soul of everyone for a reason, and now you have to pay the price. And you know that’s not how it works, and you know there’s no one to blame. You know there’s nothing you could have done. But still, you know that if the kid doesn’t make it you will never forgive yourself. and the time stand still as you hear an echo of somebody talking about accidents and hospitals and everything you refuse to hear.
The dreaded call
Like inverted lightning on the calmest day
Like a cold sweat dripping on your face of clay
Like everyone turn to look with a puzzled smile
Like the hesitant pause before the change
Like the sunny day about to rain
Like a romantic dinner with a psychopathic friend
Like a quiet whisper to a shouting roar
Like a tiny ripple on a giant shore
Like nothing else will ever move again
Somehow you knew it
It’s just faith beat you to it
Everyone secretly await the dreaded call
Like the one thing you should not have said
Like the ever-present monster in your head
Quietly whispering “Didn’t I tell you so?”
Somehow you knew it
It’s just faith beat you to it
Everyone secretly awaits the dreaded call
Where do you run to?
Where do you run to when the scull cracks open and the blood runs out
and a love so deep it chokes your throat like a ball of pain
so you can never speak again
Where do you run to when the tears clog up and blocks your sight
and there’s no blame and no one shout and still the silence
it just feels loud
Where do you run to when the pale young hand is much to brave
and the bruised-up body seems to fade and the swelling
makes it hard to recognize
The child that is dying deep inside
I follow you down, and I won’t let go
But as I slip away, there’s always someone else needing more
Always someone else needing more
So where do you run to when the bleep turns into a steady pace
the crisis passes to a normal day but still you feel
something broke
So where do you run to?
Everything falls apart. You do not have to deal with it, because you can choose not to feel anything. Nothing at all. But you have to shut out the light with the darkness. The light that hurt so bad when it’s gone. But that is what keeps you hostage, the light that threatens to break everything if it fades. If you just shut it off, move away, stop thinking about anything at all, stop making decisions, those stupid decisions. Stop feeling joy, and you might not need to face the pressure that is eating your inside, gnawing in your chest every time you fear the pain of losing what you love. And you don’t care if it’s good or bad, because you do not have to think at all. Your lack of feelings turns into an impenetrable fortress. Safe. Soft. Abstract. Quiet.
The womb
My fortress of pillowcased comfortable duvets
Impermeable to influence, muffled in any way
Emotionally flat-lined, determined to let go
Of heart shattering kindness that could lead to overflow
Shouldn’t it be nice?
Wouldn’t it be nice?
To just let go.
My umbilical of sensory impressions is detached
I’m floating in a quiet void, like a basal pinacoid
I’ll never face the truth again, I’ll never need to smile
Even the ghost of what I used to be, has been gone for a while
Shouldn’t it be nice?
Wouldn’t it be nice?
To just let go.
Deprived of any color, devoted to my black
I won’t be facing forward, and I’m never looking back
I’m suspicious of ambition and of speeches of the kind
I’ve seen true form of happiness, a sight to make you blind.
Shouldn’t it be nice?
Wouldn’t it be nice?
To just let go.
Surfacing again
Everything comes to an end
Then it’s back to normal again
Even an abyss too deep to explore
Doesn’t seem all that intriguing no more
And I guess it is good
In its own kind of way
We’re moving along
And we won’t go astray
And I want to believe
Our heads are above water again
But it can never be completely undone
The treacherous flaws once seen can’t be
withdrawn
And just a hint of accusation lingers in the
air
Just enough to remind you it will always be
there
Nothing is ever quite like before. You have so many thoughts that nourish the doubt and irritation that you try to ignore. And you have been through a lot that people do not understand. They say the words, but they do not know the meaning. And you have no way of explaining. No will to do if you could. And you know that you have one chance to start fresh. One. If that doesn’t work you know that next time will be temporary too, that it is not anchored in your conviction. It is so hard to give up until you realize that you gave up a long time ago. This isn’t what you believed in. When did it slip, when did you decide not to fight with heart and soul, when were you supposed to sacrifice everything? When did you reach your goal? Or when did you lose it out of sight, forgetting what it was all about? Where is whatever was worth all the countless hours struggling to stay afloat?
In a haze
Are these the things we thought of?
The paradise we bought us?
Is this the real true meaning, the silent words of silver lining?
It’s all a haze
It’s what the future brought us, all the dreams we talked of
And when we see it now, we slowly realize, somehow,
It’s all a haze
Where are we?
Somewhere we need to draw the line…
It’s hard to see
We can’t keep pushing on this time
If we don’t stop now
If this is where we want to be
We lost us somehow
Then why is it difficult for me?
Is this the bright tomorrow, all stripped of pain and sorrow,
Is this the quiet shore you told me we’re waiting for?
It’s all a haze.
Does it make any sense to let it all depend on what we choose to see,
when we know that it can’t be real?
It’s all a haze.
Where are we?
Somewhere we need to draw the line…
It’s hard to see
Can’t keep pushing all the time
If we don’t stop now
If this is where we want to be
We lost us somehow
Then why is it so difficult for me?
Where are we?
Somewhere we need to draw the line…
It’s hard to see
Can’t keep pushing all the time
If we don’t stop now
If this is where we want to be
We lost us somehow
Then why is it so difficult for me?
Alone. Free. New-born into a world you don’t recognise. All the possibilities. Everything you can do. Irresponsible. Reckless. Hopeful. Horny. Ready to dive into a world without any guilt. This world is made for you.
This world is not made for you.
You don’t belong here. Your senses are overwhelmed by gluttony and youthful naivety. You are indestructible. You have to try everything. You do not want to try everything. Alone. Free. But not one of them. You can’t empty your brain and indulge in the superficial game that is ruled by lust and hormones. The neon lights are pointing to a nirvana you do not care for. You do not want to care for. You do not belong there.
Strange days
Loud, noisy, booming bass
Carried by the wind from the forbidden place
of decadence
or the fountain of youth?
Sweaty bodies, pulsating light
A beauty so deep even layers of glaze
Can’t hide away
The bitter truth
I’m out of place
Like flotsam drifting by
I’m out of place
These are strange days
Tight, wriggly and aroused
Doesn’t take much to follow the flow
A frail pretence
being one of you
Entice, lure and attract
If I cross this line I will never go back
A renegade
Breaking out of the maze
I’m out of place
Like flotsam drifting by
I’m out of place
These are strange days
She’s blinded by her own desires, your position, the power and the exotic strangeness you represent. But you know that it is all temporary. It is going to lose it’s shine if you stick around long enough. You can grab with both hands, suck the intensity that everyone here thrives on. But you know it will have a price. Even if no one seems to care. You do not want to take advantage of this situation, you’re really not entitled to. And it is too easy to lose interest in this as you realize it is just a shell of the happiness you once had. And it is not right to devour this pray in a feeble attempt to pretend this is what you are looking for. It doesn’t feel right
Unwary sailor
Lost in the lies, two for the barrel they came in and
Looking twice, then enter the magical kingdom of
flickering lights, revealing more than I dreamt of
And you..
Just a blink of an eye, that will last forever
And you
Without reasonable doubt of whatever
A perfect disguise, luring the already smitten and
Ignore the advice, nothing is ever admitted and
Still this is all, wrapped under “the power of living”
And you..
Paying the price forever
And you, you carry the lies forever
And you, you’re nursing the scars forever
And you, you could break my heart forever
And you, you don’t even know
the price of your sirens song
I apologize and I leave because somewhere deep down
I’ve seen the real you.
You made it. Life is good. Better.
You see the world floating by, and you know that you have found the place where you belong. Where everything feels right. You no longer look desperately for something to replace or muffle harsh memories. You don’t need anything. Not right now. And you are ready to move on without constantly looking over your shoulder. Maybe the past might even fade out, lose its grip, if you just relax and take your time. Move on, slowly. You are finally ready to look at what’s ahead. Without guilt. Without the feeling of loss. You are ready for each new day. You are ready for a warm autumn evening when the air is sharp with just a hint of a sweet, yet slightly bitter smell as winter is approaching.
A room with a view
I watch it in retrospect
Through color stained glass
Always important, always so stern
Forever frowning, reluctant to learn
But I guess it was just a way
To cope with it all
Precautious and carefully
Maybe dampen the fall
I could have held on a bit
I could have cherished or admit
that I could have seen the other side
Just sat back and let others decide
Despite a bitter end
I’m more complete now than when I began
For every struggle taking it’s toll
There could have been some supporting it all
I could have seen more of you
The side that I thought that I knew
Even when things were hard to take
I guess it was mutual in a way
The shimmering lights
A city asleep yet pulsating and bright
Everything’s quiet, peacefully calm
I’m warm and content, waiting for dawn